My journey

Today my home was filled with tears and crying and disappointment.. Sam still gets up often in the night and last night was not the best of nights, I went to bed at 10 hoping to sleep for a few minutes before being up again and again, but as my eyes were getting heavy I can hear him fussing, so I try hard to not sleep until I know which way its going to turn, and well it turned into I am awake.. So to make a long story short I got a total of 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night.. surprisingly its normal up until my kids turn 1 year old.
  I am exhausted and yet its 9:15pm and I dread the fact that my night shift is about to begin. a normal person would try to get sleep but me, no I need some time awake without children, doing whatever.. if its just getting life situated for tomorrow or writing on my blog, reading, house plans.. cleaning.. I really don't care I just want it to be quiet and allow my brain to not be over stimulated for at least an hour.
Today the battle was with tutu's and nap time.. anyone can make babies and be a parent.. and you know those who choose to stay home with there babes can choose to engage or NOT to engage..
 today was a day I really did not want to engage. I really wanted to let it be an easy day..
but its never easy when you are trying to teach your children to share, to be kind, to wash your hands, to stop hitting your sister, potty training, always having on your mind and being on the look out for your child finding a corner to poop in, to teach them about what love is and SHOW them what love is, to teach them how to communicate instead of using hands to hit, to not throw a fit when something does not go our way and set the example in all of this, to look into your child's eye when they are telling you a story or showing you  how they dance for the billionth time.. to form a relationship with your child, teaching them about putting others first..
 every battle we face is an opportunity to teach your children on how to respond, how to react, how to find a solution.
And that's about it, my eyes are feeling heavy and I know I need as much sleep as I will be blessed with tonight if its 2 or hopefully 5!

Samuel R Shoe

March 28, 2013
I was pregnant for 42 weeks
Sam was 8 lbs 8 oz.
started labor at 6:30 am born at 8:38am

                                               I went from 8 cm to catching Samuel,
                             my poor little man was so bruised and swollen from the fast ride..

Do I seek God in ALL AREAS of life?

"Asa became diseased in his feet. his disease was severe, YET even in his disease he did NOT seek the LORD, but the physicans."

 

 

This verse has come and and convicted me a few times in the past few months!

 It hits home hard!

 Do I seek God in all areas of my life OR only when I feel desperate?

 Do I seek God first for the health of my family?

 To feed my family? clothe my family?

Do I seek God for wisdom when it comes to my family's budget?

Do I seek God first before going to someone for advice?

 

Sadly the answer is no.. I tend to thank God for my doctor to help me, OR

for putting people in my life who are wise and I tend to go to them first!

 I would say oh how unwise it would be for someone to pray over something and ask God for help instead of just doing what we believe would be the SMART choice..

I am so humbled and feel so broken! King Asa followed God but in His LAST days was too strong and did not see any need for God.!

God seeks after me constantly and yet I am JUST like Asa I seek after 'physicans' and not after my God!

 

As I  write this I am not saying God does not use people or things to help us! BUT it comes down to WHO we seek first...

 

from the book Jesus Calling,

"Instead of trying to direct me to do this and that, seek to attune yourself to what I am already doing."  (the writer makes it sound like Jesus talking to you!)

 

DO you seek God in all areas of your life? even the areas that you seem to think are not important to God? Do you seek Him in the every day stuff?

OH may we seek whole heartly after our God!

 

 "IGNORANCE in God is a luxury we can't afford."

 My mother in law just posted that on Facebook and I thought it was very fitting for what God has been teaching me.. As I have been making my journey of reading thru the Bible I see

that David who is known as a man after God's own heart did not find it important to know OR to follow the rules of how the Ark of the Covenant should be moved and as a result someone died..

God has given us His Word So we can know Him and yet we tend to not fear God or realize WHO He is.. Thinking that our ignorance is better, but  we can't afford being ignorant.

 I am SO humbled.. I desperately need God and the more i find out WHO my God is the more I see how worthless and a slave to my passions I have been! AND that Because of Christ

 I am washed in His Blood .. cleansed and made NEW...

 I don't have to be a slave to my passions!

 

 

 

 

When Daddy Ain't Home

When Daddy is not coming home for lunch I tend to not care so much of how messy things get and me and girls just go to town and have fun!... The sink is filled with dishes...

 

 
                                                                 

                                                             We bake.. and cook..

 

BLOW UP Ballons for our valentine party tomorrow...

 Play with MARKERS.. Its amazing how Markers are so much more fun than crayons!..

 

 The kitchen gets destroyed!..

 
BUT we had such a wonderful morning!.. I was not concerned if things were not in there place OR let me clean this before we do that!..  I just let it go and surprisingly  it made the morning very pleasant!.. We sang and danced!  ( something we do often..) and played with ballons..

 

 

Now all that to say.. We DO LOVE LOVE LOVE having Daddy home!..  All of us girls love him so and want him all to ourselves.. but Daddy is not a fan of messes!.. =) So we try to keep the house clean and neat for when he comes home!..

Thank YOU GOD for a wonderful morning..! memories...
ps. the mess is cleaned and dinner is already made!.. =) SO best of both worlds right there!

Exhausted..

 I am just hitting the last few weeks of my pregnancy and I am feeling it all over!

Physically, mentally, emotionally has been so exhausting!

Some natural remedies to help me handle today!..

the first was  this essential oil.. a calming blend!

Its amazing that an oil can help relax and calm you down..

Say goodbye to feeling over stimulated!

 

AND second was opening up my Bible.. digging into the Word.. Reviewing some take aways and notes from previous studies or sermons... At church we have been studying the book of 1 Peter.. the theme of our study is STANDING FIRM...
  One of the questions my Pastor asked us was, "How do you respond when things are difficult?"

Well my first response is to try to get out of the difficult situation and if that does not work I complain.. Even to God.. I act just like the Israelites.. and cry.. " God, Don't you love me anymore?"
the 'WHY ME?' is a question we love to ask God .. But as my Pastor pointed out.. 'Why not me?'

Today was a very long and draining day! Normally I LOVE Mondays, but my girls were SO fussy, my body was feeling very pregnant and nothing was going right..  SO my response today was DIG INTO THE WORD.. SOAK in it.. for 5 minutes or 30!..  I just needed to get my heart and thoughts refocused!.. It  did not make my body feel any better but it gave me just enough energy to make it to 7 pm.!  (bed time...)

 

 I do thank God everyday is not like today!

He chose me before the foundations of the earth to be His child..

He chose me to be the wife and mother in the SHOE family!

 I had another day to live my life to serve Christ...

 I am able to read and write.. and study God's WORD..

 I don't know if I will always have the priviledge of being able to have God's Word so handy...

 

 

SMOOTHIE for dummies..!

 I have tried and tried to make a smoothie.. and I just can never get it to taste good!..

BUT my friend is!.. This morning I text her with what I would like to put in my smoothie and asked her HOW... when she explained I jokingly told her to get over and just make me one!..

She was over in 15 minutes..!

 

 

                             

              SO I juiced some wheatgrass and a garlic clove

                                              


                                             Banana and raspberrys.. kefir..

                          
                                MY BREAKFAST!..
               It tasted great minus the after taste of garlic!..                    
               SO I would say this is a go except
                              don't do the garlic its too strong!..

 I took a video of Tracy making me my smoothies for all those out there who are like me..! OR you can find yourself a friend who will stop by to make you breakfast!... =) I think thats the best option!

Chocolate Covered Strawberry

                          BIBLE STUDY TOMORROW CALLS FOR SOMETHING SWEET ..

Don't Be a Kill JOY

 I LOVE the feeling of getting things accomplished!

I LOVE having a list and I LOVE checking things off!.. BUT as a Mom

having a list and wanting to get things done can be a real kill joy..

Being a Mom has taught me to let go.. to live life and not always zap it..

 

  Having small children I see their love for wanting to help and do things.. My girls play 'house' all day long.. They pretend whatever they see!..    Always wanting to help me with my chores and  cooking!.  BUT if you have children you KNOW how a simply task can turn into this HUGE production if children are involved.

 Washing and cutting vegetables is a weekly to biweekly chore for me, a chore my girls always ask to help with.. but  their clothes get soaked the floor is drenched!... Maggie sometimes takes bites out of the fruit or veggies! water water everywhere! a Chore I would so much rather do by myself.. YET why do I want to be a kill joy? I can get a chore done and my girls will have a blast!.. we listen to music and sing and laugh while we work and though their are days like today where I just did not want to be dealing with all the extra stuff they LOVED it... as I just read in a book
"these acts of love and sacrifice pay off in a child's heart."
 I so often don't see the grace God is pouring on me in allowing me to spend time with my children where they want to be with me and want to help me!.. THERE will come a day where both of those could be gone!.. SO why do I wish it away just so I can check something off my list?

                     From the book, 'Desperate'  by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson
                        " Don't neglect to see the beauty of the life around you
                              while being overwhelmed by the duties of life."

 a simple chore turned into a big project and a huge mess.. but I got it done..  I want to enjoy my children, BUT sometimes I have to "choose to be thankful and practice being content."

SO challenge to any parents out there who will read this and who love feeling the need to get things done.. Don't be a kill joy..  be the joy..

SOUP

AFTER a night of not much sleep its hard to want to spend anytime planning a meal, making a mess and then making it..! SO time for SOUP.. I cut all my veggies up the day I buy them ( minus the onion) and keep them in my fridge so I don't have the deal with that when it comes to making dinner each night.. My veggies have all been washed and cut..

TODAY

 I put all my veggies in a POT with a whole onion and 5 cloves of garlic..

 

 

 Add a can of Organic Crushed Tomatoes and I fill the can 2x's with water and pour in..

 My Chicken was frozen.. So I take  my organic chicken and stick in pot with lots of pepper salt and cayenne pepper

 and 40 minutes later my soup is made..  THIS IS THE INSTANT POT MAGIC... the chicken just falls apart... the flavor or the soup is STRONG.. and perfect!.. and it took me a total of 10 minutes to prepare!

 SINCE my girls actually napped today and dinner was made I thought I would get some Organic Sprouted Spelt tortilla's made for the next few days to help with lunch ideas..

                   AND dinner is done!.. I must say Chicken and Veggie soup was perfect..

My journey thru the BIBLE..

     One of my New year resolutions for a while now has been to read thru the whole Bible in 1 year..
Last year I got behind and the last few months I just buckled down and read Isaiah to Revelation and the book of Psalms from late October until December 31!.. I did it! I completed that much scripture in such a short period.. One thing I LOVED about doing that was it became more of a story.. I was in God's WORD like I would be into a novel that I couldn't put down.. and I just loved it..
SO this year I have once again started my journey and its been just as exciting. The month of January I have read Genesis thru Ruth AND the book of Psalm!
 I have started to journal my take aways from my reading and my journey thru His WORD.. SO I will do my best to start blogging all that I learn... a theme I see is the unfailing love of God and His willingness to take us back after we have sinned!..  another thing that I seem to be getting a lot of is .. trust.. DO I really trust God?
SO My journey thru the Bible.. I would write all my take aways from the beginning but that might be a little overwhelming SO I will just start where I am at..

My take away from this am.

1 Samuel 1-14
Hannah wanted a baby she prayed and God blessed her with a son, she in turn gave her child back to God.. Only seeing him once a year...
AM I  that willing to let go of my children? the children God has given to me?
Do I hold them with an open hand and realize they belong to God?
God called and even spoke to Samuel while he was still a child!
Don't I want that for my children?

" Only fear the  Lord and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider what great things He has done for you.... but if you still do wickedly you will be swept away..."

Bread for the SOUL...

 

Some days its just so hard to get focused, I have been under attack hard since I have been home from my Montana retreat!.. My mind has been a battlefield that never seems to stop to give me a rest..

Last night a dear friend stopped by to bring me a book and flowers and to say, "I love you."

It's amazing what friendship can do... So this morning on my walk God and I got right down to it..

 I confessed my sin of believing the lies and not accepting His Word as TRUTH..

And I told Him that today I will obey..

To help me stay out of my pit I decided to get my hands a bit dirty..

 

  The girls and I worked and worked to make some bread.. flour all over the kitchen.. honey makes sticky hands and sticky surfaces but what therapy to my heart.. To get my mind out of the gutter and back to what matters..  And what matters? Well worshipping Jesus..

  How? by obeying Him.. Believing His Words are life and applying them.. by Seeing the things in this life as gifts..  He does not ask you to have perfect results in the end.. The end result should not be our concern... OUR CONCERN should be are we obeying God here and NOW..

 As I write this little blog post I sit wishing my babies would sleep...  but I have a 1 year old screaming..  after fighting 30 minutes for the older one to relax for a few minutes..
   I have chores that still need to be done..
 brax and hix that just are not being helpful during this time of just wishing for a break in mind.. body and soul.. BUT here is life as we know it..  its about adjustments..  its about obedience.. So I end this blog having no idea if I made any sense.. to take care of the task at hand..

"Worship ME ONLY"... God

From the Book, Jesus Calling, I see where I have allowed my mind to go and I see what needs to happen.. The change that needs to take place.
God is searching for a heart fully His and today I have allowed Satan to completely fill my head with thoughts that might be true but it is thoughts that are absent of God.
God was not in the equation!
My life apart from God is worthless..vain...empty.. energy spent on nothing!
Apart from God WHY on earth would I want to spend my life in this never ending cleaning cycle? I never feel any accomplishment.. my children do not show any appreciation and most likely NEVER WILL..  so much energy spent ... And then more energy spent on children to take care of their needs, teach them, pour all I am into them.. dying to self constantly for them only for them to grow and either hate you or really don't want you to be involved in their lives..
Marriage, sure things might be wonderful now, but you hear so many stories about marriages falling apart.. So here I am pouring all of me into a man who could decide he is done.. tomorrow or 30 years from now gone done?!.. WHY pour my life into anyone OR anything? It will only bring heart ache, pain... even if they love you! everyone dies.. LIFE IS WORTHLESS.. apart from God..
So as satan has attacked pretty much my existents its making me wonder WHY am I sticking around?... I realize that I have left God completely out of the equation..
No one will notice how clean the house is or even care...
My children might grow up to hate me and not want anything to do with me
My husband might decide this is not worth it and be gone..
My friends and family might all abandon me
BUT If God is my focus.. IF everything I do is looked at as I am doing this because God has called me to and it brings Him glory.. I will not be concerned with the end result..
God has put certain things in my care, given me people to take care of, love, and look after..
the end result is up to God..
SO a life that seems so worthless has found new meaning... my motives were wrong..
Do all things unto God and NOT to MAN.. and worthless turns into WORSHIP..
WORSHIP only my Savior...

Listen, Look, Learn and Love

 As I have been reading thru the Bible I see that those who are called have lives I do not envy...
 I see hardship, loneliness, exhaustion, always something.. My husband was very selfless and sent  me to Montana for a retreat.. a time of rest before we add a new member to our family. Before I left I decided that I really want to use my time to SOAK into the WORD of God.. to see what God has to teach me.. SO What did I learn? What did God teach me?
Like the story of Elijah.. God sent a strong wind but God was not in the wind.. then an earthquake but God was not in the earthquake... God was the whisper...
And that was JUST how he spoke to me over the weekend in the quietness of my room.. He surrounded me with women who have been thru things and are going thru things I do not want to even think about!... nothing easy. hardship.. heart wrenching... I realized that the past few years I have been praying that God would use me.. USE ME..  He has put desires in my heart yet I am in  such a different place.. And then seeing that those who are called do not have it easy and I thought.. "Do I want that?"
 God put those 4 L words in my mind .. to LISTEN and LOOK, LEARN and LOVE..  and SO I did.. I took those words and applied to my weekend
AS I was about to head back home to the Carolina's, two people told me to JUST BE.. One of the women who God brought in my life and the other the Taxi Driver!..
 Stop worrying .. and JUST BE..
Allow God to work allow Him to be my guide and to TRUST Him..

Excited to head home and apply what I learned ONLY to be Hit HARD with attacks from Satan...
And once again I felt like Elijah who after Mt. Carmel he sat under a tree and told God to take his life...
 to be continued..

8 years

 

 I look at my life and cannot thank God enough for bringing me a man who is so perfect for me..

 8 years ago today ( the day before our wedding) I went up to Ross and said.." I don't know what I am thinking but we can't do this.. Do I know you?" he looked at me and said.." We are going for a hike are you coming?" I couldn't believe my ears... did he hear what I just said? he goes on to say.

" We are getting married tomorrow.. So are you coming on a hike?"

8 years ago.. How I am so thankful he knew me enough even then that I am silly.. and I am so

thankful he did.. because where would be be if he allowed my crazy moment of "what am I doing ?" hit him..

My husband and steady.. a rock..  he does not allow emotions to cloud his view and always keeps me from being overly dramatic..!  He is an amazing husband and father and I am spoiled!..

 My best friend...  I love you !.. MFEO...

CEDAR POINT 2012

You know summer is coming to a close when you head on to Cedar Point..   Its one of those family traditions that  I love and hate all at the same time..!  I mean WHO could not love it.. I got to watch the sun rise over Lake Erie every morning and then head out for a great morning jog with the girls.. head into the park and spend the day watching my children have a blast.. the atmosphere always pulls you and and lets you know you are having the best time..  I know this might be some peoples negative side but I LOVE eating sandwiches all week!.. Peanutbutter and jelly for breakfast, lunch and dinner!.. SUPER.. But as you see I have 2 small girls.. So anytime they should have slept and did not I felt like the world was ending.. ( how dramatic huh??)  So anytime they did not sleep I would think.. "This is the worst..." and then we would head into the park and I would think.. "this is the best.."

  I always hate that my traveling these days have been without my Ross..   I miss him terribly when we are apart and hate he misses on such funny things..! but spending time with  family.. Seeing the kids grow..  water park.. Charlie Brown.. beach.. dino land.. I can look back and am SO thankful for the opportunity to head out every year!..

 With all of that.. Cedar Point ends summer... For Ross is in school and soon my children will be starting up!.. For me.. I LOVE to see summer go.. and SO ready to embrace the fall!..  Many more trips and adventures about to take place in the next few months!.. Will do my best to keep up!..

Isle of Palms

 It has been a very busy summer even though I decided no plane rides to the end  I still have managed to travel quite a bit.. This summer I have spent 2 weeks of Isle of Palms.. have gone to visit my cousin in Winston Salem twice.. and lots of day trips here and there down to Georgia or over to Asheville.. I must say though busy I have embraced the southern heat and finally realize that dripping with sweat should be not used as an excuse for laziness...   

We are closing in on our last few weeks of July and then once August hits Ross will be starting his new job teaching at Bob Jones University in the Art department..  We are also about to take on renovation/remodeling to our home..  Life is about to get another adjustment..